30 years from now my grandson will ask, "Grandpa, where were you during The Great Sandwich War of 2019?" I respond, "Well...." I pause for a moment, take a sip of my whiskey and stare into the fireplace; my eyes searching the pulsating embers for an answer. If it were only that simple. "I was..." then I fall asleep mid-sentence.
What seemed like only seconds later, I rise like a newly baptized baby. I'm in a strange, but familiar bed and my phone's alarm is playing The Big Tymer's "Still Fly".
***"Gator booooots, with a pimped out Gucci suiiiiit"***
Confused, I bury my hands in my face, rub my temple and no longer feel the droopiness of my skin. I look at both sides of my hands bewildered. I throw off my blanket and look down. "Boner?" I mouthed slowly. I haven't had one of those in decades. Then my eyes glaze over the logo on my pajama sweatpants. "Sean John?", I rubbed the material, "Velour?", I whispered to myself.
A woman hurriedly pokes her head around the corner of my bedroom door, "I told you not to be chatting on AOL all night. I can't take you or I'll be late for work. You'll have to catch the bus to school. Love ya!" and she throws a crumpled dollar bill at me. I inaudibly respond, "Love you too, Ma." I uncrumple the money to reveal a small face 5 dollar bill. I jump up and run after her yelling "Ma...MAAAAAA!!!" ***camera fades back to the original scene. close up shot of me as an old man, sitting down, passed out wearing a pair of VR glasses*** My stupid ass grandson and my other equally stupid ass grandson are taking selfies with me as I'm in a VR coma. They're yelling "WORLDSTAR!!!" The projection of what I'm seeing in VR is playing on the TV. Stupid ass grandson #1 points and says, "Look, he thinks he's a kid again haha. Yo check his wallet, I'm tryina to get McDonald's." The camera pans to the TV and shows me as a teenager on my tippy toes hugging my Mom. The camera pans back to old man me in VR glasses and closes up...smile on my face, single tear running down my cheek.
**the scene fades to black as a screwed up version of "Gator boooots..." fades in**
Popeye's Sandwich War Veteran Embroidered Beanie